You know how a lot of websites put up FAQs for you to read so that you don't have to call them and ask? Here are some things I would like to add to ours. (And yes, I have been asked every one of these questions multiple times. Seriously.)
Do you have a comedy show this weekend?
We have
shows every weekend.
Every weekend?
Yes, EVERY
weekend.
What is your cover charge?
We don’t
have a cover charge. In order to come in and see a show, you purchase a ticket
for the show, and then pay for food and drinks separately.
Well then how much are tickets?
Our ticket
prices vary from performer to performer. If you want to tell me what show you'd like to see, I can tell you the ticket price.
Well can you give me a range?
We've had shows that are $5 per ticket, and we've had shows that are $45 per ticket.
Do you have anyone good performing?
Depends on
what you consider good.
I’ve never heard of _______. Would I like
him/her?
I don’t
know. It depends on what your taste in comedy is.
Is he/she funny?
Again, that
depends on what you find funny.
Is he/she appropriate?
My suggestion would be to look him/her up
online and watch some of his/her material and judge for yourself. Only you can decide what you find appropriate.
What is your minimum
age to enter?
Our minimum age to enter is 16.
Okay, can my 11 year
old cousin come to a show?
No, our minimum age to enter is 16.
Even if she sits with
us?
Yes even if
she sits with you, she has to be 16 to come in.
Well I want to bring my son, and he's 14. But 16 year olds don't have any kind of ID, so what's to stop me from buying a ticket for him and bringing him in?
Well sir, seeing as I'm the one you'd be buying the tickets from, I just won't sell you a ticket for your son who you just told me is under 16.
But I'm his father. Shouldn't it be up to me what's appropriate for him?
You can decide that in your own home, but just like any other private establishment, we have the right to decide what the minimum age to enter our club is.
I was looking online and it says there’s a
two item minimum? What does that mean?
It means
that you have to purchase two items while here. Anything off of our menu, food
or drinks, counts as an item.
Well that’s stupid. Why is that?
Almost all
comedy clubs have a drink minimum. Since our minimum age to enter is under the
legal drinking age, we can not impose a drink minimum, so our minimum includes
food or drinks.
Okay, so those two items are included in the
price of the tickets?
No, they are
not. They are ordered a la carte off of our menu.
And we have to order something?
Yes, each
person has to order at least two items.
On your website it says "Show Type: Stand Up". So what does that mean? You don't have seats? We'll be standing for the show?
No, "stand up" as in "stand up comedy". You don't have to stand for the show, you'll be seated at a table.
What time do the shows start?
We have
7:30 shows and 9:45 shows.
But what time do they start.
The 7:30
show starts at 7:30 and the 9:45 show starts at 9:45
So if we’re coming to the 7:30 show and we
get there at 8:00, will we miss anything?
Yes, you
will miss the first half hour of the show.
What time do your
doors open for the 7:30 show?
Doors open at 5:30.
And what time should
we get there?
All of the seating is done first come, first served, so the
earlier you get here, the better your choice of seats would be.
Right, but what time
should we get there? Like, what time does it start filling up?
I really can’t say. It depends on the night. Sometimes
there’s a line outside the door at 5:30, sometimes it doesn’t start filling up
until about 6:30. It depends on what time everyone with tickets decides to get
here.
I wanna order tickets for a show. You want my credit card number?
Eventually. Why don’t we start with what show you want to see, your name, and how many
tickets you want?
I have a gift
certificate that says it’s good for a Thursday show. Can I use it on a Saturday
instead?
I have a free ticket
that says it’s good for any Thursday or Friday show. Can I use it on a Saturday?
No, you can only use it on the day that’s indicated.
I’m trying to buy tickets
online and it’s saying there are only [number] tickets. I need [more than that].
Can I get [more than that]?
No, we only have [number] left.
So there’s no way I
can get more than that?
No, because we only have [number] left to sell.
The website says the
show is sold out. Can I still get tickets?
No, if we are sold out, we have no more tickets to sell.
So if the website says the show is sold out, I can't order tickets over the phone?
No. We don't set aside a certain number of tickets to sell online and another number to sell over the phone. We have one number of tickets to sell, no matter what way you order them.
But a bunch of my friends already bought tickets and I want to go with them.
I'm sorry, but we have no more tickets to sell.
Ah
man..... uh.... ah jeez.... huh............ *deep inhale*...
*sigh*....... wow........ aaaaaah....... *tongue clicks*......
hmmm....... oh man.......
........
So there’s no way I
can get tickets for that show?
No.
I’m coming to the
show on _____, I want to make a reservation for a table.
We don’t reserve tables. Our seating is done first come,
first served upon arrival.
But I have a group of
[number] coming.
We do alert our seaters to larger parties, and
they keep that in mind while seating other groups, but the seating is still
done first come, first served.
Well, I can’t get
there until right before the show starts but I want to sit up front.
I’m sorry, but we don’t reserve tables.
What if I paid
you more money?
That would only be an option if we had a block of VIP
seating tickets available for that show, which we don’t. But even if we did,
that VIP section is still seated on a first come, first served basis.
Well why don’t you
have that option available for this show?
Because we don’t.
I see you have a
dinner and show tickets?
Yes.
And the website says
that ticket includes [either an all you can eat buffet or one entrée from the menu]?
Yes.
So if I want that, do
I buy a general admission ticket and the dinner and show ticket?
No, the dinner and show ticket includes your dinner and
the show.
I want to buy tickets
but your website is asking for the security code on my credit card.
Yes, it needs that to complete your transaction.
I don’t want to put
that in. Can I order my ticket over the phone?
You can, but I will need the security code in order to
complete the transaction as well.
But I don’t give that
out.
Then unfortunately, you won’t be able to purchase tickets over
the phone or online.
Can’t you just try to
do it without that? You shouldn’t need it. Most places don’t need it.
Our site requires that code, so if I don’t enter it, the
transaction will not go through.
Why not?
For your own security. It asks for that code to make sure
that you are in possession of the card you are using and you are not just using
a stolen credit card number. That’s why it’s called a security code.
Well can't you just make up a number and put that in?
If I make up a number it will not match the one on your credit card, therefore the transaction will not go through.
I bought tickets to tonight's show but I can't make it. Can I have a refund?
I'm sorry but all of our tickets are final sale, we don't give refunds unless we cancel a show.
Okay, well then, I'll just call my credit card company and dispute the charge.
Okay, but when they call us to verify, they'll see that it's a legitimate charge and you will have to pay it anyway. Our refund policy is clearly stated on our website, and our phone staff explains that all tickets are final sale.
I've never been to your place before, so, how does it work? Is it, like... how do I.... or is it just like, whatever?
I'm.... I'm sorry what?
