School Spirit?

I was driving through downtown Cranford the other day, and I passed the store that sells Cranford merchandise. It had a sign outside that said, "Order your State Champion Cougar Apparel Today!", because for the first time in, I think the history of the school, the Cranford Cougars won the football state championship. And as I was driving, I realized that I couldn't care less. I had seen facebook statuses that whole week from alumni wishing the team luck in the big game, and I just had no opinion on the event whatsoever. It was then that I realized, I have no school spirit.

When I was in high school, I went to the football games to hang out with my freinds in the band, not to watch the game. I went to maybe one other sporting event if my friend was playing on the team, but other than choir and the plays, I had nothing to do with my school's extra curricular activities. Pep rallies (or "spirt days" as we called them, because "pep rally" brings to mind cliques and popularity contests) were just excuses to get out of class goof off. The only t-shirts I saved from high scool were my powder puff football shirts, and only because they had my nicknames on them. I couldn't wait to get out of high school and go to college, and feel what I'd been lead to believe you were supposed to feel about your school.

Nothing changed in college. Asside from the friends I made while I was there (who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world), I feel like going to college was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I gave up my carreer that I had worked for seven years to establish, as well as all of my contacts in the industry, to go to school and be told that I was doing everything wrong. I was made to doubt my god-given abilities, and feel inferior for not knowing as much as they thought I should. I found it mind-boggling that I had professional credits on my resume, probably more than any other student there, but I was not good enough to be cast in their shows. Because of their "training", I took several steps backwards, not only in my carreer, but also in my level of confidence and abilities. I haven't taken a dance class in almost 4 years because there just wasn't the time or the money, and the lack of money has made it hard to afford voice lessons as well. I'm now going on open call auditions, which have given me no hope of ever getting cast in anything. My mother told me that I had to go to college and get a degree in something. I should have gone to Union County College for two years, gotten my associates degree in something, and continued going on auditions and working. But no, my mother wanted me to go away and get the "college experience".

My so called "college experience" consisted of me trying to live with roommates for three years, and coming home or going to AJ's every weekend because I couldn't live with them, and spending the days sitting in my room wishing I had better things to do. It consisted of me working part time jobs that I hated,  feeling like an outcast because asside from the 14 people in my acting group, I didn't really know anyone, and commuting my final year so that maybe it would feel like I wasn't actually spending every day being miserable. I didn't go to a single sporting event, or "red hawk day", or any kind of extra curricular activity (once again excluding theater). I hated my college experience. In the acting world, having a degree in theater doesn't mean anything. All it means is that you payed a shit ton of money to be able to put the letters "BFA" on your resume. I could have gone to cosmotology school and gotten trained to do hair and makeup, something that I would actually enjoy doing (and plan on doing if acting doesn't pan out). Graduation day was one of the happiest days of my life. I had no desire to join the alumni association or get any more emails from Montclair. I haven't been up there since the day of graduation, and I probably won't ever go back again.

Claire loved going to Rutgers so much that fourty-something years later, her car is still covered in Rutgers bumper stickers. Half of her wardrobe is Rutgers t-shirts, and she carries her Rutgers alumni card on her keychain. Kodi loved Montclair so much that she went back to work for them full time.

There are times when I wish I knew what that feels like.

There are other times when I wish I woudn't have listened when everyone told me how much I would regret not going to college.