Why?

Even though I have no school spirit or allegance, I do still have friends at Cranford High School. My last "little one". My freind Zack is a senior this year, and I've been back to visit once already to see the fall show, and tonight is the choir concert. This is a little more intimidating for me because when I went to see the fall show, I went to the senior performance, sat in my seat, and said hi to him after the show. Tonight when I go I'll actually be going up onstage to join the other alumni and sing. Tonight there will be other people that I know there. People who aren't my friends, and who I know are judging me.

I've put on a lot of weight since graduating for high school. To the point where I'm getting disgusted with myself. I actually went out and bought a girdle yesterday because I can't stand the thought of going back to my high school and people seeing that I've gotten fat. I bought a new shirt that would hide my hips and my arms. I paid to get my eyebrows done and my hair cut. I'm planning out my day so that I'll have time to go home and do my makeup and hair before the concert. Even though I don't really have extra money to spend, I'm going to DSW to buy a new pair of heels.

And all of this is because I feel like I need to impress people who don't factor into my daily life whatsoever. Because I feel like maybe people will think that even though I haven't gotten any good acting jobs since graduation, at least I look good.

I really hope that one day I can be the kind of person who can say "Who gives a fuck what they think?"
Because right now, the answer is "me".