I Never Thought That I Would Have to Ask Myself, "What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up"

I was always going to be an actress. It was simple. I started doing it when I was eleven. There was never any other job I would have even considered myself qualified to do.

Or, at least, that's what I thought.

I got very lucky with the start of my career. I was literally discovered; my manager found me at a summer camp and introduced me to agents. I learned very quickly after graduating college that it is very difficult to get anywhere in the business without an agent. Equity open calls are pretty much only held because they have to be by union laws. Casting agents send assistants of assistants of assistants, and most of the time they already have people who auditioned through agents lined up for callbacks. So, in order to be able to afford the train tickets and the time to go on these mostly hopeless auditions, I am currently working two part time jobs at odd hours of the day. And even though I'm working 7 days a week at one of them, I'm still not making anywhere near enough to live off of. I have been putting so much financial strain on AJ and it's not fair. We can barely afford to pay our bills, and are living paycheck to paycheck. I don't want us to continue like this.
Even if I were to begin booking professional acting jobs, I would need to keep the part time jobs. In a business like acting, one success doesn't guarantee anything in the future. I worked professionally for 7 years, and I added one small role on an episode of a tv show, one professional show, one workshop,  three staged readings, and one commercial to my resume, along with some other work like commercials that never aired and commercial samples for focus groups.

In addition, my priorities have changed since I was a teenager. I always knew that I wanted to get married and have a family, but I figured that the family part wouldn't come until well in the future. Now, AJ and I have lived together for almost a year, and we know that we are going to be getting married, hopefully within the next few years. Our age difference has been brought up several times in the discussion of having children. Both of our fathers had our sisters late in life and will be in their seventies when the girls graduate college. My grandfather died when my sister was only three. I want our kids to know their grandfathers, and I don't want AJ to have to deal with being an "old dad".  And as more people around me become pregnant / have kids, the more I want to too.

But probably the biggest reason I'm considering making a change is that I don't like what I've become. I am jealous of my friends who work regular 9-5 jobs Monday through Friday and have the weekends to spend with friends and family. I'm jealous of women who get to wake up and shower and make themselves look presentable before work. I'm jealous of my friends who do community theater show after community theater show, while I'm stuck sitting in the audience dying to be on stage with them. I'm jealous of people who can afford to stay up and wait for their significant others to get home from a late night, and don't have to be in bed by 9:00 in order to get up the next morning.

So, I've decided that acting professionally no longer fits into the life that I want. It is kind of an overwhelming decision, seeing as for the past 12 years it's the only career I've known. Right now I'm going to focus on finding a full time job to just get out into the workforce and get money coming in and saved up. I submitted my resume to three jobs today, so we'll see what happens.

Barbie and her POSITIVE influence on me

Dear women of the world,

This is me, and this is one of my Barbie dolls. I have had her since I was about 2 years old (when I saw and fell in love with Beauty and the Beast). And I love her. In fact, I love Barbie in general.

I spent my entire childhood playing with Barbie dolls. I was an only child with two parents who worked full time, so I spent a lot of time by myself. My Barbies (all ninety-kajillion of them) had a house and cars and a motorhome and horses and a jetski and all kinds of fun things. Most of my Barbies didn't have carreers. They did have color-changing hair, or rollerblades, or ballet slippers, or fun sparkley party dresses, or PJs that glowed in the dark. One was even a mermaid. In addition, Barbie had friends and a family for me to play with; Ken, Skipper, Kelly, Stacey, Midge, etc.

Any of my childhood friends would tell you, whenever I went over to their houses, or when they came over to mine, the first question was always "Do you want to play Barbies?"

So what's my point in all of this? I want the world to know that I was not negatively affected in any way by playing with Barbie dolls.

Let me repeat myself, just to make sure you heard me. I WAS NOT NEGATIVELY AFFECTED IN ANY WAY BY PLAYING WITH BARBIE DOLLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If anything, I was positively affected by playing with them!

It seems like ever since the internet was invented, concerned mothers and feminists have been bashing Matel and it's most famous creation for her ridiculously impossible proportions and the negative body image that they give to little girls. Matel even redesigned Barbie to give her a more realistic physique (although she's still very thin). 

So, since I spent my whole of my 90s childhood dressing and undressing Barbie, did I grow up to have a negative body image? Far from it. I am 5'0" and I currently wear a size 8. Do I want to be thinner? Sure. Is it beause of Barbie's influence? Nope. It's because when was in high school I wore a size 2 (because I spent almost every night at dance class or rehearsal for a show), and I felt much better about myself because I was physically active.

  Me in a show in 2006,   and me in Walt Disney World this past May

Am I going to starve myself to get thin again? No, because I love junk food. Ramen noodles, cheese burgers, and really salty Wendy's french fries dipped in chocolate Frosties are some of my personal favorites :)

Ken gets criticism for his looks too. I smushed my Barbie and Ken's faces together to make them kiss all the time. Did I grow up looking for a GQ model to marry? Nope. I met a wonderful, sweet, crazy, sensitive, weird, supportive, silly, amazing man, and I couldn't imagine finding a more perfect person to spend my life with. 

Just about everything Barbie owns is pink, from her shoes to her clothes to her cars. She is what people think of when they think "girly girl". So, am I a girly girl? Sometimes. Do I love pink? Yup. Do I love to dress up and shop? Sure. Do I love other "non girly" things? Yup! I love watching football, and I love nerdy, sci fi stuff like Star Wars and Doctor Who. 

Recently, it seems like Matel has gotten really concerned with what Barbie is doing with her life. There's an entire sub line of Barbies called the "I Can Be" collection, where Barbie gets to be things like an architect, an olympic athlete, a news anchor, even a presidential candidate. The line was created to inspire young girls in their career goals. Not that there is anything wrong with that at all, but as I said before, when I was growing up, most of my Barbies didn't have a career. What made the ones on the shelves appealing to me was that they had different outfits or accessories from the ones that I already had. So, did I grow up wanting to marry a rich man so that I wouldn't have to work and could spend every day shopping? Nope. Do I have career goals? Pretty big ones.

So, according to all of the criticisms that I've heard about Barbie and what she does to little girls, if I played with Barbies as much as I did, shouldn't I have turned out differently? Well, you want to know why I didn't grow up wanting to be just like Barbie? It's because I never looked at Barbie as a role model. She was a toy. She was a doll that I could buy things for and dress up and play with. She wasn't someone to look up to and emulate. 

But even though she wasn't a role model, she did so much good for me.

Barbie was a creative outlet for me. I was a shy, socially awkward girl who loved to make up stories and act them out, but usually had no one to act them out with me. Barbie nurtured my love of every aspect of theater (which became one of the greatest passions in my life), from acting to props to costuming. "Playing Barbies" as I called it made me a better creative writer, because I came up with stories and adventures for her. 

So mothers, please, if your daughter wants to play with Barbies, let her. If you don't, you could be doing more harm than good. 

I'm Corinne. I'm 23 years old. I love pink. I love the Dallas Cowboys. I love shoes. I love Kevin Smith movies. I love Sherlock Holmes. I love makeup. I love theater. I love my boyfriend. I love Disney. I love the Boston Red Sox. 

I am a strong woman with a college degree and a self esteem.

And I love my Barbies.