Shedding for the Wedding (which isn't happening for a long time but it's never too early to get started, right?)

I never really considered myself thin. I always had a little extra baby fat on my stomach and hips, and being a dancer, my thighs were always big. But it wasn't until I gained 22 lbs during the last three years of college and went to get new headshots taken that I really realized how skinny I actually was in high school. I was showing a friend at work pictures of me from 2007, because he didn't believe me when I said that I only weighed about 105 lbs when I graduated.

These photos are all from around prom and graduation. 5 years ago. I wore extra small shirts and size 2 pants.

Now I have to bring smalls and mediums into the dressing room when I try shirts on, and in pants I'm tetering on the edge of being a 6. I know to most people this sounds like I need to be told to shut up, but when you're not even 5 feet tall, it's a lot. I'm about 2 lbs over what nutrition guids say someone my height should weigh. But the problem is, none of that weight is muscle, it's all fat.

I wouldn't be so upset about it if it was just my body. I could dress to hide that. I have been for the past few years. Unfortunately, it's most evident in my face. Which means that I can't get new headshots until I lose weight.

This was my headshot from senior year of high school, and this was my headshot from senior year of college. The one from college has been retouched significantly, the one from high school has no retouching.

My biggest fear is that AJ is going to propose to me, and either someone will be there to take pictures or we'll get engagement pictures done afterwards, and all I'll see when I look at them is how fat my face was. 

So I've started dieting and exercising. I'm testing my willpower with the Special K diet, and sofar it's been going pretty well. Although I do have to admit, I'm having my period and I'm craving weird things, so I did have some pistachio ice cream and skittles for breakfast one mornig.  The exercising part, well, that could be going better. I got on the eliptical the other morning and the only thing that stopped me from getting off after five minutes was how embarrasing that would be. So I stayed on for 20 until I couldn't push myself to do anymore. I've purchased several dance workout videos, so hopefully those will be easier and more fun. I'll be able to start doing one today, since the incision on my stomach from my mole removal is finally healed. That is, if I can keep my energy up. That's my other problem; working 6 days a week at two different jobs leaves me pretty wiped out, and if I get home and sit down, it's over. I'm not getting back up. Hopefully, starting to exercise will give me more energy.

But I can already see an improvement in just my mood from taking action. I went shopping yesterday to try and finnish off a gift card by buying a shirt for Disney World, since I don't like the way most of my shirts look nowadays. I took as many as I could into the dressing room with me, and because I'd gotten so used to things not looking good, I wasn't expecting much. I ended up not even trying on the last thing I brought into the room with me, because I already found three shirts that looked great and that I wanted, and I wasn't actually planning on spending anything over what was on my gift card. I came home and modled them for AJ, and he got as excited as I was, because, as he said, it had been a long time since he'd seen me that happy.

So we'll see how things go. I'd like to lose more weight by the time we go to Disney, but that's only about 20 days away, so... like I said, we'll see. This is one of my favorite pictures of me that's ever been taken. I'd love to look like that again.

Being a Big Girl, Part 2

I was able to get my stitches out today. Thank God. They were awful.

Once the stitches were in, they put Steri-strips over them to cover them up. About an hour or so later, the lidocaine wore off and it hurt like a bitch. The biggest problem was that the incision was in such an awkward pace; just above my belly button and a little to the left. So every time I went to sit down or bend over, the Steri-strips would hit the crease in my stomach and push the cut forward. And any kind of twisting was definitely out of the question. I had to call the doctor and get a prescription pain killer the day after the surgery because I couldn't sit up.

Today, the wound still wasn't fully healed, but at least it had scabbed over so that the stitches could come out. I'm gong to have to wait to see what the final scar is going to look like.

Being a Big Girl

Today, I got plastic surgery.

No, not like that.

I had to get a mole removed. Well, I didn't have to, but I had gone to get it checked out because I was nervous about it, and the dermatologist said that he didn't think that there was anything wrong with it, but that if I was nervous about it and it would keep stressing me out, then the best thing to do would be to get it removed. Since it was a flat mole and not a raised one like the one on my back that I'd had removed a few years earlier, getting it removed would require stitches, so he forwarded me along to the office's plastic surgen.

I went to the apointment by myself, even though my mom and AJ both said that they would come with me. I took the lidocaine injections like a champ, even though I hate needles, they stuck me about 7 different times, and each one burned worse than the last. I spent most of the time gripping the sides of the hospital gown in my fists and tensing up my feet and my legs so hard that they started shaking. Once I was numbed, the process of removing the mole and getting the stitches didn't hurt, it just felt really weird. I could feel them removing the skin, and I could feel the stitches tugging at the skin, but it was more like someone pulling your hair: Your hair dosen't feel it, but the scalp that it's attatched to does.

But I'm very proud of myself for doing it all on my own. My senior year of high school, I was sitting on the table in the doctors office crying because she had given me three shots in the same visit. .

I'm a big girl now :)

I had the strangest dream last night

I dreamt that I was getting married. Now this sounds like a wonderful dream, but it was far from it.

I dreamt that after a long road trip with my mother that involved stopping at creepy houses in the woods and driving on lots of dark, windy roads and playing video games, we got to a campground resort type place. There were lots of log cabbins and big lawns and such. This is where the wedding was going to be.

 AJ had told me that he didn't want to get married, but I was aparently desperate to have a wedding, so I was going to marry Mitch (who definitely wouldn't be marrying me in real life, because when we were 16, he broke up with me because of our religious differences). I was in the room where we were going to have the ceremony, in my wedding dress, placing flowers and seeing to last minute details. Then I started pannicking because I realized hadn't ordered bridesmaids' dresses or a flower girl dress. While I'm running around trying to figure out what to do, my girlfriends from college bust in in full Disney princess costumes, wigs and all. We're finally ready to get started, but we were doing the wedding backwards, in that I was already in the room and Mitch was going to be walking in. I guess we decided to take a break before we started, because the next thing I remember is being outside where they were setting up the reception, which kind of looked like the Renn Faire. Then Mitch came up behind me and we saw each other (again, something that will never happen at my real life wedding). He looked strange, although in the dream I didn't notice; I remember now that his eyes were too close together and he was wearing green eyeliner.

We walked around talking, and the more we did, the more I realized that this was wrong, that I couldn't marry someone I didn't love. It wasn't fair to him, to AJ, or to myself. So I told him this, and somehow I got hit in the stomach by a spear (there was an underlying Hunger Games feel to the whole thing), but I was only minorly inconvenienced by it. Somehow I ended up in a car with AJ.

I really don't remember much after that. I mostly remember how happy I felt that I was going to have a wedding, and then the gut-wrenching pain and guilt that I was not marrying AJ.

It was not fun to wake up from.

I'm going to live blog my 11 hour day at work.

Just so you can see the kind of people I get to deal with at the Y on a daily basis.


Got here at 6:55. Pamela is standing outside the doors while it's snowing, because she absolutely has to be the first one inside and get #1 for spin class. I think her head would explode if she wasn't first one day. (Just to be clear, all of the staff hates her, because she's a bitch. And then when a director goes to her and says "I'm hearing that you're mistreating the staff, she says "Oh no, it wasn't me, I wouldn't do that!" all sweet an innocent. Meanwhile, she made one of the toughest fitness instructors I've ever met cry one day.)

7:30 - Just watched a grown woman duck under the partition to go out the JCC door. Because she couldn't be bothered to walk 50 feet further and go out the doors she's supposed to.

7:36 - Phone Call:
Me: Community Campus, how can I help you?
Woman: Yes, I registered my daughter for the 9 o'clock swimming class.
Me: .................................. Oh...kay?
Woman: Yeah, I wanted to know if I can move her to a later class.
Wouldn't it have just been easier to tell me that in the first place rather than waiting for me to acknowledge your initial statement?

7:53 - Two people have called to ask if the Y is open or if classes are still going on because it's snowing. I have to just say "Yes, everything is running as scheduled today," but what I'd really like to say is, "Well sir/ma'am, look outside. There's about a centimeter of snow on the ground, and it's not sticking to the road. Would your place of business be closed because of that? No? Well then ours won't be either."

7:58 - It blows my mind that people spend $75 on a class for their child, and we print them an itemized receipt with the name of the class, class time, and the dates of the classes, and they still call us to ask what they signed their kid up for or when the class starts.

8:05 - Just got a call from Sallie May Loans for a girl who hasn't worked here since June of 2011, and using her maiden name, when she got married over a year ago.

8:07 - I really love it when people come to the desk, don't have their card, and make me type their name into the computer, and then get annoyed when I ask them what their address is, because there are 14 other people named "Amit Patel" who belong to the Y. Or when they tell me their name and get anoyed with me when I make them spell it for me. I'm sorry, I'm from America. I don't know how to spell "Devchandbhai" (no, I'm not making that one up).

8:45 - Current number of people who've called to see if we're open/classes are still on for the scheduled times because of the snow (which still hasn't gotten over a centemeter) - 5

8:47 - A woman just came up to the desk:
Woman: Hello, I'm here for my 9 o'clock adult swim lesson.
Me: ......... It's in the pool.
Woman: Oh it's in the pool. Ok, thank you.
o.O

9:33 - Another one!
Man: Excuse me, he's here for a basket ball class. Where is it?
Me: ...............On the basketball court.
Man: Ah, ok.

9:50 - I love the sense of entitlement that people have here. Just got off the phone with a woman who called asking about memberships:
Woman: How much is the membership?
Me: For two adults and any number of children in the household it's $54.50 a month.
Woman: Ok, and can we get any kind of discount on that?
Me: Um... we offer financial assistance for low income families, but not discounts on the membership.
Woman: Well what if we only want to use the pool and nothing else?
Me: We don't have a membership to just use the pool. Our membership rates are for the whole facility.
Woman: So you can't give us a discout if we only use the pool?
Me: No.
After another two minutes talking about what the facility has to offer:
Woman: So you have no discounts?
Me: No. No discounts.
I also love the fact that she started out the phone call by saying "Good morning. How are you?" "And when I responded "I'm good thank you, how are you?" She responded by nervously giggling.

9:54 - Grown man moved the partitians out of the way in order to go out the JCC door.

10:07 - Another person calling to ask if classes are still on due to the snow.

10:09 - Man comes in to register his kids for swimming classes.
Man: Can I get a discount?
Me: On.....?
Man: The swimming classes? Since I'm signing up two kids.
Me: No.
Man: Oh. Really? You don't give discounts for that?
Me: No, we never have.
Then I ask for his address because there are two people with his kid's name in the system. He wants to know how many people there are with the same last name as his. I tell him there are about 30, and he proceeds to tell me that every person with he same name is descended from the same family, and that he wants to get all of these people together and meet his "family".
Man: Can I get their addresses?
Me: No, I can't give out that kind of information.
Man: Well is there any way I could get it? Like maybe from the director? Maybe he can give them to me? Or their phone numbers?
Me: No, she can not give out the personal information of our members. That's an invasion of their privacy.
He goes on for another five minutes about finding some way to get their information. I finally told him the phone book would probably be his best bet, as we weren't going to give him anyone's personal information.

10:40 - I've stopped telling the grown adults going under the partitians that they're not supposed to be doing that. I just look at them and roll my eyes and shake my head, very condescendingly.

10:49 - Phone Call:
Man: Hello, yes. Actually I was calling because I want to register my daughter for swimming lessons, and I was wondering if you have any spots available?
Me: Well it would depend on what class you wanted.
Man: I was looking for a class on Saturday or Sunday. That would be best for me.
Me: Ok, well the YMCA classes are only on Fridays and Saturdays, and then the JCC runs classes on Sundays.
Man: Ok, I will take the Saturdays. What time is it.
Me: For which class?
Man: Which class?! The swimming class!!!
Me: Sir, we have about 15 different levels of swimming classes and five different time slots for them on Saturdays, you're going to have to be more specific.

11:15 - The JCC sells swim caps for the pool. Aparently the lifeguard told a man that his daughter needed one, so he came over to the desk to buy one.
Man: What colors do you have?
Me: Let me get them for you.
I bring over the plastic container and look through it.
Me: We have blue, red, white, and purple.
Man: Do you have pink?
Me: Nooo, we have blue, red, white, and purple.
Not believing me, he starts looking through all of them.
Man: Ok, I need a small one.
Me: Well they're all the same size.
Again, he thinks I'm lying to him and starts pulling out caps and measuring them against each other.
Finally, he's got three on the desk in front of him.
Man: Ok, can I take these over to the pool and show my wife?
Me: No, I can't let you take them without paying for them. They're $3 each. 
Man: Ok, well I'll just leave $10 here and then when I come back I'll buy the one.
Me: Or you could just ask what color she wants and come back...
Then he went to the Y desk and asked for a rubber band and never came back.

After that, I moved back to the Y desk, so it was less crazy.

12:00 - A man came to the desk with Jeff (sports director) and Jeff had me look up his cash history to see how much he had paid for the last set of soccer classes. He claimed that his son joined the class half way through the session but he had paid full price for it, so he should get more classes to make up for that.
Me: Well that wouldn't have happened because the computer automaitcally discounts for the weeks missed when signing up for a program. Yup, it says here that you only paid $25, because the class was halfway over. 
Jeff: So yeah, you only paid for the classes you got. So if you want him to do the class again, you'll have to register him again.
Man: Oh ok sure. 
He starts feeling around in his pockets.
Man: Oh, you know what? I left my wallet in the car. I'll be right back. 
After 5 minutes, we assumed he wasn't coming back.
Jeff: Put a note in the system that he has to pay full price because he came to the first class. I have a feeling he's just going to keep coming back and trying to pull the same thing. 


12:20 -  I went to lunch. At Panera, I really felt for the guy putting up the food. It was really busy and people were being just as stupid there.
Panera Man: Mary, your salad's ready.
Mary looks at her salad and makes a face.
Mary: Oh, I wanted the dressing on the side.
The guy looks up at the screen and doesn't see anything saying that. 
Panera Man: Did you tell them that when you ordered it?
Mary: No, they never asked me.


1:00 - Back at the Y, a woman came to sign up for a class card. We asked her if anyone had informed her of the new policy for the class cards. She said no, so we explained that now if she wasn't a member of our Y or one of our three "sister Ys", she had to buy an adult program membership for $115 for the year, and then buy the $80 class card on top of that. She flipped out, telling us over and over again how ridiculous it was. She complained so much that the supervisor came over to deal with her.
Isis: Believe me ma'am, I understand. We can sympathize, but if you want to buy the class card, this is the new policy.
Woman: But that's crazy. I don't want to be a member. I just want to take the classes. Why all of a sudden do I need a membership?
Isis: It's a brand new policy, it just went into effect this month. 
Woman: Well I'm already paying $80 for the class card. That's ridiculous. Why should I pay more for a membership that I don't want?
Isis: I understand ma'am, but there is nothing I can do about it. We have no control over it. 
Woman: Believe me, I'm not shooting the messenger. 
I had to fight the impulse to say "Well, actually, that's exactly what you're doing" so hard.
Woman: I was a member, and it's a joke. I was paying all this money to come for classes and I would get there and they were canceled, and they didn't let anyone know. 
Again, the urge to say "Well, sometimes instructors get sick and can't make it. They can't really call every member to tell them that a class got canceled, just in case they were planning to go to it. You could always call before a class to see if it was canceled." had to be choked down.
Finally, we did what we always do when someone complains on the weekend and refuses to be appeased. Give them the director's business card and told them to either email him or call him on Monday and complain to him.

After that, nothing much happened. In fact, it was boring as hell, because it was so empty.

Thank you Yahoo!

Useless Degree #3 - Theater

Number of Students Awarded Degree in 2008-2009: 89,140
Typical coursework: Theater, acting, directing, design, playwriting, communications, dramatic literature

Here's the good news: Sign up for theater as a major and at least you'll be really good at acting like you have a job.

Here's the bad news: Actors endure long periods of unemployment and frequent rejection, says the U.S. Department of Labor. The Department goes on to say that because earnings are erratic for actors, producers, and directors, many hold second jobs. In other words, how do you feel about waiting tables?

Of course, says Shatkin, "People go into this with such a love for it you can't stop them."

Total Number of Actors/Producers/Directors in 2008: 155,100
Projected Change in Number of Jobs 2008-2018: +16,900
Percent Change: +11

Thank God I have Khy

He's seriously been like a lifeline to AJ's soft side. When AJ gets romantic, he can make me cry he's so sweet and wonderful. Unfortunately, with both of our work/rehearsal schedules, we don't get much time for it.

The other night while I was driving back from Virginia, I got a text from AJ saying that he was out to dinner with Khy, Drew, and Jenna, and Drew and Jenna asked if they could sing at our wedding. When he asked if they had a song in mind, they said "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge. AJ said "they had no idea what that song means to us". My frist reaction was It means something to you? Really, cuz you've never told me that.  To me, that song was our relationship in the begining. We weren't supposed to be toghether, but we were going to anyway, because we in love. I knew he knew the song, and we had listened to it together, but he'd never mentioned it again. And if I asked him to watch Moulin Rouge with me, he'd make faces. But aparently, according to Khy, when AJ heard Drew and Jenna suggest it, he teared up, said he had to text me right now and tell me, and then told them how the song reminded him of us and how much we overcame together.

I really wish he would tell me those things. He talks to Khy about everything wedding related, but I can barely get anything out of him. Khy seems to think it's because his first wedding was so much "We're doing this and we're doing it here and you're wearing this" that he doesn't really know how to talk to me about his opinions. But every time I still go back to that time he told me that my planning stuff before he even proposed to me, even though we already knew we were going to get married, freaked him out. The words "I've only been divorced for three years!" still come to mind.

But I think Khy must have said something to him that night at rehearsal, because when he got home, he got into bed and stroked my cheek and held me and cuddled with me until I fell back to sleep.

Khy also told me that AJ took him to the mall to look at rings. And sort of confirmed my getting proposed to in Disney World theory by talking about the savings plan he helped AJ set up, saying that he should put money away every week so that by May...
Let the "I'm getting proposed to"  wardrobe planning commence!